My BREAKING DAWN Review

There will be no wine  before its time.

And there will be no Breaking Dawn review from Carol before its time either, bitches!!!

So I went with a whole slew of fellow Twi-chicks to see the film on Friday at 10AM (no tweens).  In the words of my sister, Tracey..."It was ridiculous...and AWESOME...at the same time."

As you all know, I haven't looked at much of anything since Breaking Dawn started filming.  And I would advise ALL OF YOU to do the same for the last movie.  My crew was telling themselves it didn't matter that they googled and watched trailers and took it all in beforehand...but I beg to differ.  When you don't know what it will be visually...and then you sit down and watch...oh my god it's absolutely mind-blowing.  SO much better than going in KNOWING what it will all look like.

OK but enough about that.  Let's get to it.

Stunning, party of this!

Loved the snot outta this dress. 

The wedding.  Gorgeous setting and I LOVED the dress.  Why? Because it was completely Edwardian and I knew Edward would love it.  The whole damned film made me squeee with the thought of how happy he would be.  Well - until Bella decided to be all freaky on the couch.  But we'll get to that in a min.

Let's fast foward to the Honeymoon, shall we?  Seeing Edward in that water was so delicious - almost as good as I pictured it in my head.  Loved Bella's freak-out, human minutes.  It was SO real; we all would have done that.  I love how Edward saunters his ass into the water, thinking nothing at all about the nookie that is about to transpire.  SUCH a guy.

Really?  You expect me not to
HOWL at this?  REALLY?!

The headboard scene?  I LAUGHED!  Right out loud!  Loudest one in the theatre!!!  I couldn't HELP it!  It was FUNNY!!!  I truly expected everyone to laugh and him to make a snide comment...but it never came.  And then I was horrified that I laughed at something everyone else took so seriously!  Is there something wrong with me?

Before...after! Before...after!

Wasn't thrilled with the carnage in the bedroom.  I mean, really?  I get that he's all strong...but c'mon.  They're both virgins.  It would have been way more tame than that.  But whatever - no complaints from me.  No way.

Let's move on.  Loved that they kept the fried chicken in the film.  Loved that Edward looked like he was going to cry and run around screaming "find a happy place!! at the same time when he found out Bella was knocked up.  SO classic.  It's killing me that I can't sit and watch each scene 80 million times like I did with Twilight since the first time I saw that was when it came out on video.

YOU'VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE!!!

And now...I will come to the most fantastic part of the film.  "YOU'VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE!!!"  to which I screamed "YES!!!" and fist pumped 10 or 12 times right there in the theatre.  And now, every time I watch the trailer, I do it again.  Today I yelled "NICE!" at that part and was afraid I scared my kids.  Bottom line - we all know how much I HATED Wimpy Edward in Book 4.  It bugged the crap out of me that he was laying in Bella's lap and whimpering instead of opening up that sarcastic mouth and fighting for what he wanted.  And in this film, he did that.  And did it fantastically.

Edward Cullen getting his ass kicked
would never, EVER HAPPEN!

And it made up for them letting him get his ass kicked in New Moon when we all know Edward Cullen ain't nevah gettin' his ass kicked, no way...no how.

Loved Jacob through the whole film...although I wished his sarcasm came through better in the film like it did in the book.  In the book he was hilarious and in the film he was just pissed.

I dug all the wolfified stuff...although we all agreed it was a bit of a creepfest to watch the wolves talk when they were in wolf form.  But how else could they have done it?  I don't know.  Maybe from further away...like we could have been looking down on them from a rooftop angle.  But please, not that skanky roof on Jacob's skanky red house that he should stay home and paint once in a while instead of chasing vampires.  Ugh...gross.  Every time I see it, I get the shakes.

Not in my nature.  Yummy Emmett. 

And, um, I'm sorry...but did anyone notice how Emmett KICKED ASS in this movie?!  LOVED him!  And they didn't even show all his smartass commentary while Bella was pregnant!  He just makes my day with every one of his (very small) lines.

LOVED the birth scene.  Edward BROUGH IT in every way possible.  They changed a few things as far as order of the way they happened...but not enough to get under my skin in any way.  LOVED that they showed Edward dive down and dig in with le teeth.  Genius way of showing that it happened - but NOT showing it happen.  Brills.

I can't WAIT for the next film.  Could SOMEONE please tell me why we have to wait an entire YEAR???

Here comes the smolder...

Oh and Carlisle's Hair:  SO NOT HAPPY!  WHAT has happened to that poor gorgeous man?!  How does one go from this  --------------->

                                   

Bad angle...bad lighting...bad hair...
A world of Carlisle badness!

<-----------------To THIS?!

They have reduced him to NOTHING (I think ESME had more lines!) and have given him the worst hair on the planet.  Seriously. It's just so sad.  I'm thinking of camping out in Zuccotti Park in protest.

That's all I got for now but I KNOW there is more.  I'll keep you posted on the goings on of my brain.